


Control

by jeweledleaves



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Halsey - Freeform, Mentions of Violence, Non-Explicit Sex, Rough play, this is dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6900436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweledleaves/pseuds/jeweledleaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a song fic using Halsey's Control, which is such a Ben Solo/Kylo Ren song. </p><p>Just a set of snippets from his life through the reader's eyes. </p><p>-inspired by a post I read on tumblr's Thirst order confessions blog-</p>
            </blockquote>





	Control

_They send me away to find them a fortune_

_A chest filled with diamonds and gold_

_The house was awake, the shadows and monsters_

_The hallways, they echoed and groaned_

You sat with Ben, idly running a brush through his soft hair. It was dark outside, and you two had been ushered in from play some hours ago.

“Do you want me to braid your hair?” You prompt.

“No, that’s for girls.” Ben frowns, turning to you.

“The Jedi in training braid their hair.” You respond. “It doesn’t matter if they are girls or boys.”

A yell echoes in the hall. You can see Ben flinch.

“What is it?” You frown, bringing him into a hug. A door slams.

“My parents are fighting again.”

He lets you braid his hair.

 

When he leaves with you to go to the Jedi Academy at his parents’ insistence, you can tell he is relieved.                     

_I sat alone, in bed till the morning_

_I'm crying, "They're coming for me"_

_And I tried to hold these secrets inside me_

_My mind's like a deadly disease_

You run down the hall, your apprentice’s braids trailing in the wind behind you. Stopping at his door you press an ear to the cool wood.

You can hear the sound of soft crying, whimpers and sniffles, on the other end.

“Ben?” You call, opening the door just a crack.

“Just leave!” The door slams in your face, undoubted by the force, catching you by surprise.

You stand outside of it for a long time.

But he doesn’t come out.

_I'm bigger than my body_

_I'm colder than this home_

_I'm meaner than my demons_

_I'm bigger than these bones_

Ben is leagues taller than you at when you are both 16. You’ve stopped growing and it seems he has just started.

Along with his growth comes an unnatural cockiness, an aloofness that doesn’t suit the kind, sensitive boy you had grown up with.

He’s stopped allowing you to spend the night. Stopped confiding himself and his tears to you.

You watch him train, the visceral aggression overpowering anyone who challenges him.

Somewhere in your spine comes the tinge of fear.

You spend nights trying to remove it.

_And all the kids cried out,_

_"Please stop, you're scaring me"_

_I can't help this awful energy_

_God damn right, you should be scared of me_

_Who is in control?_

“Ben!” you gasped, his grip on your wrists tightening.

You were breaking the rules. His body pressed against your own, so close.

You felt him everywhere.

His mouth everywhere.

Dominating you, overwhelming you.

“Ben, that hurts.” You groaned, trying to tug your arms away.

“That’s not the only way I’ll hurt you tonight.” He growls into your ear.

You shiver.

 

He’s right.

_I paced around for hours on empty_

_I jumped at the slightest of sounds_

_And I couldn't stand the person inside me_

_I turned all the mirrors around_

The sound of glass shattering sends you bolting towards his room.

Too many nights have you sat outside of his door, listening to him. You never intervene. You don’t know how.

You know Master Luke must know about the monster haunting him. About whoever talked to him at night.

“Ben?” Instead of waiting this time, you walked in, clutching your nightclothes like a shield.

He is pacing, back and forth next to the pile of glass. His hands are bloody.

You grab them, forcing him to a stop. “What are you doing?” You demand. He glares at you through bloodshot eyes.

“You don’t understand.” He spits. “you never will. You don’t have whatever _this_ is.” He gestured to his head. “You don’t have to hear it.”

_I'm bigger than my body_

_I'm colder than this home_

_I'm meaner than my demons_

_I'm bigger than these bones_

You are in your room when it starts.

You have no idea, no clue of what is going on outside of your door.

Not until you feel the ripple of energy.

The darkness.

Then the screaming begins. A cacophony of horror that chills your blood.

Somehow you know you’ll find him at the end of it all.

_And all the kids cried out,_

_"Please stop, you're scaring me" I_

_can't help this awful energy_

_God damn right, you should be scared of me_

_Who is in control?_

The blood. Everywhere. You are running, you have to find him.

You try your hardest not to look at the bodies, your friends, his friends.

And the children.

Oh Gods. You can feel the bile rising in your throat.

A noise catches you off guard.

There, in the corner, a youngling. She is only around 5 or 6 years old.

New and defenseless.

You pick up the young girl, cradling her to you. Whispering soft things in her ear. Trying to get her to stop crying.

But you can’t tell her she is safe.

None of you are safe from him.

_I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head_

_They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead_

_And I've grown familiar with villains that live in my head_

_They beg me to write them so I'll never die when I'm dead_

You are running again. This time away, away from the little girl you’ve tucked into a hiding spot you know he won’t find.

Hopefully surrounded by the bodies of her peers will keep her safe.

You are covered in blood.

Everything smells acrid, like someone started a fire in an attempt to flee the carnage.

You can’t flee.

You can feel his energy.

Hear the crackle of that terrifying… _thing_.

“Ben.” You began. Hearing your own voice break. “Ben Solo.”

“That’s not my name.” He spat.

You turn on your heels, spinning your own gentle blue glowing saber in your hand.

You hadn’t expected it to end this way.

_I'm bigger than my body_

_I'm colder than this home_

_I'm meaner than my demons_

_I'm bigger than these bones_

They say when you die you can see your entire life flash before your eyes.

That you can live entire moments as you had before.

He disarmed you easily. You were never a match for him. Never in control.

He was gripping you, like he had those years ago. Looking at you with burning eyes.

“Ben, you’re hurting me.” You whisper, unable to stop the tears from falling.

He falters, but only for a moment.

“That’s not the only way I’ll hurt you tonight.” You almost want to smile at his comment.

You can feel the hot saber searing in your chest, the red crackle blurring everything around you.

 

He’s right.

 

_And all the kids cried out,_

_"Please stop, you're scaring me"_

_I can't help this awful energy_

_God damn right, you should be scared of me_

_Who is in control?_

“I’m in control” The modulated voice of Kylo Ren barks.

_And all the kids cried out,_

_"_ _Please stop, you're scaring me"_

_I can't help this awful energy_

_God damn right, you should be scared of me_

_Who is in control?_

The tall, grotesque creature, the man who haunted his thoughts for years only chuckles.

**Author's Note:**

> This is 110% inspired by a post I saw on tumblr's "Thirst Order Confessions" blog of which I am an AVID reader. 
> 
> Tbh I love them so much. 
> 
> Forgive me for this late night post, but I had the idea stuck in my head and I couldn't shake it.
> 
> Also I listened to this song on repeat like 30-40 times while I was writing this.


End file.
